The Chaos Within
“What is
the source of conflict among you? What is the source of your disputes? Don’t
they come from your cravings that are at war in your own lives?
- James 4:1 CEB -
So much bubbles inside me at times, I am at times ashamed to
admit how much inner turmoil and uncertain decisions lie under the surface of
what might to others seem like a well put together façade. There is always
doubt, angst, hesitancy & chaos right under the surface at times. We often
assume or hope that being a Christian will smooth out and quell the storm
within us. Yet often it is quite the
opposite. Once we pay attention to what we should be doing and what God wants
from us, our hesitancy and guilt take over and create more inner voices pulling
at us. Much like the classic Jedi and Sith push and pull described in the Star
Wars movies, the light sides and dark sides of ourselves are at war within us.
And sadly the turmoil does not just give us stress, it leaks
out and can poison those around us. When we are not paying attention, our own inner
struggle can make us react in impulse or even anger. Our conflicted feelings
for ourselves get played out in front of our loved ones and friends.
Yet James reminds us that God give us more grace! In fact,
every bit of grace we need and more! In God we can turnover our own feelings of
inadequacy and conflict. God is big enough to take even our tangled prayers!
James just urges us to come near to God. It might not seem like God is in the
midst of our struggles but God is patiently and consistently present with us no
matter the feelings of our heart or the conflict in our minds. Draw near to God’s
grace!
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